February 14th is fast approaching and while I’m at the risk of sounding like a bit of a Grinch, do we need reminding of who we love and who loves us? Has it become yet another commercialised “festive day” where we are persuaded to buy yet more stuff? Paying a fortune for roses that at any other time of the year would be half the price. Yet I am suckered in just as much as the next person. But I think I want to do things slightly differently this year.
So who was St Valentine anyway? Well they/he are actually thought to be a mixture of several Christian saints and martyrs who were put to death in different ways at different points in history. There was a priest who married Roman soldiers to their sweethearts against the rules of the then Emperor Claudius II. Then there was the Roman priest and physician that refused to renounce his faith. He was imprisoned but apparently managed to heal the daughter of his jailer. Legend has it that they fell in love and at his execution he wrote a letter to her and signed it “from your Valentine”.
How much truth there is in all that is anyone's guess. But like a lot of Christian festivals, Valentine’s day also coincides with a pagan one. In this case, the ancient Roman celebration of Lupercalia which was on 15th February. This celebrated the change in seasons and the coming of spring. When the birds and bees start doing their thing. So of course it involved lots of drunken debauchery. Men and women would pull names from a jar and then be paired with that person for the rest of the year, often actually resulting in marriage. In all fairness the pairings were probably not really that random.
Sending a love letter or token has been around for as long as boys have met girls - if you’ll forgive the gender categorisations. We have always found ways to convey our romantic feelings to those we hope will reciprocate. Whether it’s engineering who pulls your name from a jar or penning an epic tale of love and devotion.
Before the 14th Century, Valentine’s day was primarily about celebrating a Saint’s day. It is Chaucer that is thought to be the first to link romantic love and Valentine’s day in his circa 1382 poem "The Parliament of Fowls," . Probably written to commemorate the engagement of King Richard II, Chaucer writes about how he envisions birds gathering on St. Valentine's Day to choose their mates.
But so much for the history of Valentines Day. What does it actually mean to us now?
Do we just grab a card from the petrol station on our way home? Or could we rather use it as an opportunity to recognise and celebrate those in our lives whom we love and who love us. You may be fortunate enough to have a life partner. Charlie and I have been together 15 years and I am grateful for his love and support every single day. Or you may be single through choice or otherwise, but I am sure there will be someone in your life whom you are grateful to have in it. English as a language is wonderfully rich and colourful, but it is severely lacking in words to describe different kinds of love. I think the Ancient Greeks were a bit more eloquent.
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Eros: Intense, romantic love with strong physical attraction.
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Philia: Deep, affectionate love based on shared values and trust, often seen in close friendships.
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Storge: Natural, familiar love between family members.
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Agape: Selfless, universal love, often considered the highest form of love.
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Pragma: Practical, long-lasting love built on shared goals and commitment.
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Ludus: Playful, flirtatious love with no serious commitment.
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Mania: Obsessive, possessive love with controlling tendencies
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Philautia: Love for oneself, self-esteem
My daughter celebrated Galentines Day last year with her Uni girl-friends as none of them were paired up. There is even Palentines Day too which I think is a wonderful idea for friends to get together and celebrate each other. I am sure you will be able to find someone that fits with these descriptions even if it’s for yourself with Philautia.
But maybe not Mania - that never ends well.
Happy Valentines Galentines Palentines Day
Jules x